SUX . i'm never good enuff for anyone/ not my mum not my dad not my sister and not my teachers. everything in this world sucks. why do i have to live up to everyone's expectations? i'm just adding more and more stupid darned stress to myself. how i wish i could just move to some fishing village and eat fish and seafood all day long. i feel weak and walls are collapsing all around and over me. i'm afraid to do stuff lest i get dissed all over again . maybe i'm a coward ? but i try really hard .. man. why is my life so screwed. i;m gonna change my blog template during the hols . seriously need to do something to it or i will just vomit blood and die
¶ posted by-shOe[yAn] aT 6:16 PM
gosh i wanna change my blog template. i'm chao ji bored and fed up with it . darn i feel like sleeping. don;t peoplr just wonder why everyone needs some sleep.? and theres so much homework. till the extent that sometimes trying to fit in sleeping is a boo-boo/
yes and i'm getting pissed with people . everyone is just so friggin hypocritical. and trying to block these people out are just impossible . no matter how hard i try to imagine them away. it never works. some people just try to lie to you and mislead you. its so irritating. they think no one cares but in actual fact everything matters in this world and theres really no such thing as free stuff. they lie that they don't even study at all but they just so incidentally score higher than me in every test even though i know that i have studied. and yes everyone is hypocritical to some extent . but why can;t people just admit that they r putting lots of concern on their studies. maybe if stuff like this were made known to everyone. there would be fair competition. sometimes i can't trust people anymore. i'm afraid. petrified to put myself out there and get cheated. somehow i always do . its either i'm really gullible like everyone says i am or i'm just plain dumb and stinking in hell. stuff like this always get to me and out me down. and lotsa times these stuff happen to my friends
today this incident really set me thinking that guys are a nuisance. beginning to anti guys now. sighs. all they bring are trouble and heartbreak. but just having that special someone feels nice right.? bet el can agree with this statement. yet you never know if the person is lying to you. esp guys from sexually segregated schools. they can really stink man . and i don;t mean physically . sux .whats happening to LoVe in this world ? people break up for stupid and retarded reasons and people fall in love just because they think its cool . gosh. i'm confused. and why is everyone better than me at everything . i'm such a failure. sux . just so many thoughts in my head now . my brain is like a fish tank now. so many things inside and most of them are bad thoughts . sometimes i think lowly of myself. and times i have hugh self esteem where i think i'm beautiful and all that crap. whats with me? don't people who have confidence of their looks always think they r great in everyway ??
¶ posted by-shOe[yAn] aT 12:35 AM
hmm .. i wrote an entry yest. and regina was beside me cos she came to my house . so fun to play and she kept saying my room very messy . lolx .. after she saw my room walls pasted with all the crap she went home and did the same . lucki her dad din;t pluck them all out . yes and me and el were msgin just now . hmmm .. she told me some stuff bout her and itchy2 . and yes i told her abit ben. lolx . she so funny lehs . and yes i think tham tham stinks like shit . lolx . why he wanna make stuff difficult for everyone. make me sad lehx. he go die lar .. so what is the best thing in for now ?? remain single and don;t make any guys fall for you. you will save alot of trouble man. just like me . stay frenx with all the guys and esp don;t let them think you are cute. if not thats the end. especially especially if you know u wouldn't like him back ..
next friday we r getting helf day . so fun . but the spoiler part is the damn chem test after school at 1015. stupid idert. after that we all gonna go out. as in J.E.L.L.Y.F.I.S.H club goin out . dunno itchy going notx . but won;t it be like so awkward . if he really going, i'm planning to just act normal and treat him as though he's my friend. dun wanna make things difficult for el. ..
see i'M SUcH a NicE friend hahs .. well trix is funni . and i won;t forget our movie date during the hols . whee!! miss her to bits. and yes there's this girl called jasmine who added me to friendster. seems she works in some music studio and wants to find out more about me . lolx . weird right. my mummy say later is bluff people wan and wanna trick me de . lolx..
and i just realised that lalang really really really reallie REALLIE looks like derrick . maybe they are twins but impossible lar . yes and lalangs complexion is better now . is it spelt like that ? someone please tell me is it is spelt COMPLEXION hmmm . yes and his pants is funky . hahs . today that kawai and that goodwin i think wah laos talk so much . their mouth bigger than mine lehx. so super sia . talked for about one and a half hours non-stop until mr khor bueh tahan already then purposely go ask them to answer question and they couldn't answer. lolx . and trix got really fed up with them . she should have just turned around and said something crude . lolx . then can see the expressions on their faces. thats would be quite funny. and i didn't know kawai's voice was like so LOw sounds like so so so sexy . lolx . ok i also dunno what i meant by that . i'm just so hooked on using the word sexy . lolx yes and meow !
i love meowing !!whats up with meowing anyway. kinda screwed but who cares anyway.and not to mention the fact that i', afraid of cats. thinking of doing something to my hair again. the fringe is getting icky (which it always is) and i shal not i REPEAT SHALL not try cutting my own fringe again .
¶ posted by-shOe[yAn] aT 12:11 AM
gosh this blog is mouldy .. hahas just came to say hi to everyone who has been missing me .. hehx . which is almost everyone .. yes and i'm busy and fed up with bio . darn . i shall update next time . and hies MINGHUI !!
¶ posted by-shOe[yAn] aT 6:13 PM
oh .. god i've like super super super not updated in like 2 weeks ?? well firstly cos my computer is craZy and seriously nedds to be REPROGRAMMED and cos me and el and pearl and regina have been very very very busy with our J.E.L.L.Y.F.I.S.H club . whee .. its so fun lo .. then there are no restrictions .. yeps .. for the past week or so .. the four of us have been bugging shar with our wobbly nonsense .. i think she's gonna join us .. hmm .. yep .. just got back malaysia .. raining like dunno what .. then i on my NO BATT handphone .. received like 20 over msgs .. so scary ... lolx . then have from my dear rachel .. hrmmph wish me that i will be successful in everything and most successful in the night .. blahx .. she's mean lo .. still can't get over the fact that she chose eelin over me to be cheeky .. lolx .. i will jiayou de .. hohx .. she better watch out .. if not she will suffer during oAC man .. hehs .. k lar .. i'm so tired then feeling abit sick now ... \(^-^)/ big hug !
¶ posted by-shOe[yAn] aT 10:06 PM
whee .. so funny .. now my bikini bottom sponge family is increasing .. so here's the updated version ..
me: spongie
ethel:spongebob
lijun: square
erisca:pants
hwee min:sandy (the squirrel thing)
regina:gary (the snail)
pearl my insane chinese partner : squidwart
sara: patrix a.k.a patrick star
vivian: star
haha .. super lame i know but its fun !! and i have my CAI familie !! whees ..
yesh .. lmpw i haven't updated in a long time .. but very tired and sian of typing .. heex ..
Somewhere between the *procrastination* and the homework.. and the incessant forwards and the friendships and the calls to each other complaining about CrUsHeS and BF/GF!! Somewhere between the phone calls to old friends and the "I miss you's", the "I love you's" and the "What are we doing tonight's?" And somewhere between all of the
changing and growing... somewhere between the classes and the skipping classes...and the StUdYiNg for teStS...And the PRETENDINGto "StUdY" for TeStS... And the downright NOT StUdYiNg for TeStS... I forgot--I forgot what ScHooL
was all about.
Somewhere between all the appointments, starbuck coffee, and Mc Donald's... paying bills and then not paying bills... Making plans then breaking plans... Appearing, Disappearing, then reappearing... I forgot--I forgot what it was like to cry. I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy... And that pretending
to be SmArT doesn't make you smart .. I forgot that you can't just forget the past in fear of the FUTURE... I forgot that you can'tcontrol falling in LoVe.. And that you can'tmake yourself fall in *LoVe* .... I learned that I can LOVE... I learned that it's okayto MEsS UP.... And it's okay to ask for HELP!!!.. And it's okay to feel like crap... I learned it's okayto cOmPLaiN and wHINe to all your friends for a whole day........ I learned that sometimes the things you
want most you just can't have and the things that you look for are right in front of you. I learned that the greatest thing about HiGh ScHOoL and CoLLeGe and the working world it isn't about the parties or the DRiNKiNG or the Hookups ...
It's the *FrIeNdShIpS*, which means taking BR>chances. I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we mostneed to talk about... I learned that TIME and LOVE can heal all things... I learned that just when you think
it can't get worse - it does! ... but with the love and support of friends - you survive... I've learned that when you start feeling BaD about L O S I N G touch and about those that you've lost! They too, are feeling the same way....
I learned that letters from friends are the most important things. And that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better! But, basically, I just learned that my friends........ Both old and new..... are the most important people to me in the world AND.......withoutthem, I wouldn'tbe who I am today.....
So this is a THANK YOUto all of my friends... For always being there. And even if we're not on good terms or we have lost touch... I will always have an unconditional love for you.. ~Always and forever ~
hehx .. today .. played 18 with my dad and mum .. luckily we finished before the stupid damn rain . then met deb .. lolx .. dunno if she got caught in it notx .. well .. pam and i gonna play practice round on tuesday .. whee// ..
err .. was walking to taka today .. and i think i met benedict . with new girlfriend le wor ... hehx ..
anyway .. who cares whether he has new girlfriend notx .. still the same .. hehx .. i bought new skirts .. so ke ai k ..
¶ posted by-shOe[yAn] aT 10:59 PM
aaargh .. so cheated .. every since sea games started i wanted to watch the stupid damn water polo .. and when they were going to show singapore today at 10.00 .. i thought it was aty nite .. but no .. its in the morning .. then i was doing homework at that time .. idiot rite ... like at 12 i turn on the tv .. and was watching kid central haha .. i went to check newspaper and it said 10am .. haiz haiz .. bleahx .. so cheated
¶ posted by-shOe[yAn] aT 2:25 PM
